Real Life: I Returned My Engagement Ring

Thats right. I returned it, and contrary to what you may be thinking, I’m still happily engaged to my fiancé! Do you think I’m the worst? Honestly, that’s okay. I thought the same thing and went through some pretty intense feelings of self-loathing. I’m no brat, but I am the type of person who speaks her mind. So let me explain how it all went down...

Before my engagement, I spent hours and hours looking online and at local jewelry shops for the perfect ring. I loved showing my boyfriend pictures. He knew exactly what I wanted, right down to the size of the split shank. When the day I had been waiting for finally arrived, my charming, handsome boyfriend of 5 years got down on one knee in front of our family and friends and asked the question that I had dreamt about for years..

"Wendy, will you marry me?"

 The Big Ask

The Big Ask

"Yes!". We hugged, we kissed, I cried, and we called family across the country to announce our engagement. I was so happy to be engaged to such a thoughtful and amazing guy. Unfortunately, It wasn't long after my happy tears dried up that I looked down at my new ring and realized that, even though it was exactly what I had picked out (right down to the split shank), I just... didn't love this piece of jewelry that would be on my finger FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I tried to love it, I really did. I told everyone how perfect it was, and feigned excitement for each person who held my outstretched wrist to get a better look. But deep down I knew that I was lying to everyone, including myself.

Eventually the smallest things about the ring started to bother me. The prongs were too sharp. The diamond was too high. The ring would spin around my finger too often throughout the day. Ridiculous, I know. But these were all things that would have never bothered me if I truly loved it.

So, now what? What do you do in this scenario? I scoured the internet to find an answer, but to no avail. I confided in close friends, who wished me luck but had no advice. And that’s when I realized that unless a relationship is coming to an end, people just don't talk about returning their engagement ring. 

I had to tell my fiancé what I was feeling. What made it really hard was that I had picked exactly what I thought I had wanted! Would he be mad? Upset? Would he think that I was a spoiled brat who would want a new ring every few months?

I couldn't let it go another day. I don’t remember word for word how the conversation went, but it was something like this: “I love you and the amazing gesture you made for our relationship, but this is just not the ring I want to wear forever. I want to look at other options and get something that I love.”

There it was. The truth. Being a pretty sensitive guy, he was definitely hurt. He loved the sentiment of the ring that he proposed with, and that it was part of such an amazing day in our history together. He also didn't love the idea of having to purchase another ring after only a few months of me wearing it (hot tip: most jewelers do not take back or exchange engagement rings after the exchange policy timeframe has passed. They will sometimes give a “metal” credit for the setting which for us was about 1/4th of the price that was paid for the ring. Bummerrrr.) We talked it over for a while. We discussed what I did and didn't like about the ring and what would truly make me happy. By communicating, we got past the hurt and scheduled a time to visit the jeweler.

Luckily, I was able to find my other dream ring. My fiancé saw how happy I was the first time I put it on my finger and, honestly, he couldn’t be happier now. 

 The final ring!

The final ring!

Moral of the story, ladies: SPEAK UP if your engagement ring isn’t exactly what you had hoped for. This is a piece of jewelry that will be on your finger for a very, VERY long time! Be honest with yourself and your partner, while being conscious of their feelings. Get what you love so you can move forward and enjoy your engagement!